thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
