I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
