that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
