Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
