...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
