I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
