She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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