My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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