At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
