Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
