He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
