Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
