end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
