I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize