You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
