ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was CRYING into my vagina
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
