No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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