if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
