Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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