What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize