So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
