Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
