I just saw a hot homeless man
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
