I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i came on her dog
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
