I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
