I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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