in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
