if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
