My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You are the jesus of drinking
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
