wrigley field is MILF paradise
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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