Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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