Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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