at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
