it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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