Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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