I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
