I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
