I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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