I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
