I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Michael Bay diarrhea
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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