He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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