My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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