So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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