i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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