bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
worst night to have a conscience
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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