Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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