People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
