No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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