giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
