After last night, I could never be a politician.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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