I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
