his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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