We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
