Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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