Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
