dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
