the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
