Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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