none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
