Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
