My nipple is on Facebook.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
