I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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