i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
