I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
