pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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