Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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