I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
