I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
