I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
