They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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