There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
