i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
