Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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