my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
