just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize