Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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