I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
